I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
