I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He felt like a one man threesome
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
