The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
try to milk me bitch
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