i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
