question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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