just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
