Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
