I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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