the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
