Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
