u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
