just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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