why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
