just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
