I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
