so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
