I wish I could teleport
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
