Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
