Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
