Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
