i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
whose parrot is this?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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