Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
