it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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