Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
