i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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