It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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