Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to calm my uterus...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
