A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
