yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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