Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
