Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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