You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
