ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
