dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
