Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
