have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
