Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
