I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
