also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
