He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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