Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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