Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
