did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
