it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
