we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
