trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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