bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
