I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why do cheetos always look like penises
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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