God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
