you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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