how can u be prego again
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
