I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
