He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
