Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
